Genesis Chapter 32: Rejoining someone you have wronged

When people grow up and mature, they almost always can remember a time when they have treated someone wrong, or done something to someone that they wished they hadn't.  In the case of today's reading, Jacob had stolen his brother Esau's birthright and his blessing.  This was a very big deal in that time.  When Jacob left his family to go look for his wife, Esau was very angry and wanted to kill his brother Jacob.

20 years later, after Jacob had found his wives and established his own family, he was set to return to his father's house.  That meant re-acquainting himself with his brother.  Jacob had no idea what to expect, so he put a plan in place to smooth the road.

1. When you have done something wrong to someone, prepare to pay the price.  Jacob knew that he had gotten the birthright and the blessing through trickery.  He was prepared to face the wrath of his brother Esau, and expected the worse.

2. Mentally and physically prepare for the worse and then work backward from there.  Dale Carnegie famously made this suggestion when dealing with stress.  When you are worried about an outcome, if you prepare yourself to accept the worst thing that can happen, then anything less than that will seem much better.  Jacob planned for the worst from Esau.  He split his party into two groups, just in case Esau took one out.  He also prepared gifts for his brother that he sent ahead of the groups.

3.  Rehearse what you are planning to say.  The Bible verse did not illustrate what the speech  rehearsal that Jacob went through, but you could only imagine what was going through his mind as he approached his brother.  Make sure you practice with someone who you trust and who will throw scenarios at you in order for you to be prepared for different responses.

4.  Be humble and show respect.  When Jacob finally met with his brother again, he was very humble and showed his brother great respect.  He was willing to give Esau half of his belongings for his forgiveness.  He showed by his actions and humility that he was sorry for what had happened in the past.

5. Finally, make sure you learn from your actions and try not to repeat them in the future.  Jacob was a crafty young man who had the protection of his mother when he acted against Esau.  Over the following 20 years, Jacob got to experience first hand, what it felt like to have someone manipulate him. (Remember, Jacob was tricked into marrying the wrong woman which led him into an additional 7 years of service to Laban.)  Once Jacob felt what it was liked to be "duped" he was able to evaluate how his brother must feel toward him.  Everyone makes mistakes as they grow, only fools choose not to learn from them.

Another way to look at this reunion is from Esau's perspective.  We see an example of what a mature, compassionate leader looks like.  Esau knows that his brother is terrified of what will happen when they reunite.  He also has the ability to take advantage of all of the gifts that Jacob offers him.  Esau could exact the revenge that he had initially felt 20 year ago.

Instead, Esau accepts his brother back with open arms.  He makes peace between the two of them possible by forgiving his brother for what he had done.  True leaders don't hold grudges.  They act and react to the most current information, not from old feelings.  I am sure that Esau's reaction would have been much different if he hadn't seen the signs of contrition from Jacob, but it takes a big man to put aside his revenge and harsh memories and forgive someone who has grown.