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In celebration of my brother's recent marriage, I have decided to dedicate this blog to him. Being the spiritual leader of the home is one of the most important and impactful uses of leadership there is.
I guess I could always begin with the famous quote, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15 But what exactly does that mean? and when exactly does that typically get implemented. When does "my house" start? One could argue that it happens the day that the son leaves his father and mother and sets out on his own. At the very least, it begins when a man and a woman join together.
So what does it mean to be the spiritual leader of the family? It can be an intimidating thought if you have not always been someone who follows God's will. My wife, before she would agree to date me, told me that if I couldn't commit to being the spiritual leader of a household, then she would have to back out of our budding relationship, because we would have no long-term future. She was not willing to be in any more relationships where God was not at the center of the household, and she did not want to be the one that drove that point home.
For me it was a very pivotal moment. While I was really interested in her, I was not sure that I was able to make the commitment that she required. I thought it was worth a chance, so I started attending church services. I went to a different church every Sunday, trying to see if I found a place that I could use as a "home base" in my growth. There were many times that it felt uncomfortable, and I didn't feel like I fit in, but eventually, I found a place that I could at least begin "going through the motions". I want to take a moment to say that at times, I had to "fake it till I made it". I truly went through the motions of going to church figuring that if there was a God, and he wanted me to find him, I had to give him the opportunity. You can't catch a fish in a parking lot....you have to be near water... I am someone that fully commits to things, so I also decided to join a small group. It was a huge step for me, but again, I wanted to make sure that I was giving myself the full chance to see if "spiritual leader" was a title I was able to take.
Finally, I started reading the Bible on a regular basis. I think that this was the missing piece for me. Like the other motions I was going through, I began by just trying to "get through it". But the more I read, the more I began to get answers and advice about things I was trying to deal with. I got a "Devotional Bible For Dads" which really helped me learn to apply what I was reading to be a good Dad. This is when the light went on for me. That the Bible was actually a useful tool, when applied correctly to help you understand how to live your life, be a husband, and raise a family. The words began to come off the page at me and I was able to apply them to life.
I was convinced that I could honestly commit to being the spiritual leader of a family.....my family. So far, things have been working out pretty well. The work I put in trying to decide if I could keep my promise, actually prepared me for the position I was meant to fill. It taught me:
1. Days will not always go the way you want, but God is always there for you, and he will never give you more than what you can handle.
2. There are more important things in this world than you. Pride and selfishness are at the root of almost all bad things, so base your beliefs in what Jesus teaches and find friends and family who are able to let you know when you are off the path.
3. Even if you didn't have the best family life growing up, and are unsure how to parent, there are answers to all of your questions between the pages of the Bible. I love to look at the people in the Bible and see how they handled hardship, stress, and family. It gives me confidence to know how others handled similar situations (or in many times much worse) than one I deal with.
4. The church is more than a place to go and listen to a pastor speak....all those people you sit next to are real people, with real experiences, who can give you real advice! Get to know them, spend time investing in relationships that are constructive vs. destructive.
5. God is very clear of how he wants us to live our lives....and if the leader of the house aligns with God's will, then the others in the home will have a much easier time navigating life. It is a pretty easy formula....If you are right with God, then you and your spouse have a better chance of having a healthy and happy marriage....If you have a good marriage, your children will be raised in an environment that is conducive to growth and learning.....If you teach your children discipline, respect, and love, then you will have a higher chance of them growing into the people that God wants them to be.
6. YOU are last. This is a leadership lesson that expands out of your household to any opportunity that you have....The more you invest in the benefit of others, the more willing people are going to be to follow you. (Remember, there still needs to be discipline and consequence, or you will be taken advantage of)
7. Worry about nothing, pray for everything....This piece of scripture will change your life. The more you pray, the less you will stress about things...give your issues to the Lord, read the Bible, use the church to help find answers...then the pressure of always having the have the "right" answer goes away and you can focus on your real job.....Being the Leader of your household....
It is not rocket science.....
Want to find God?
Do the work
Say your prayers
Lead first, think of yourself later
Enjoy the ride....
Maybe someday my little brother will find the desire to go down a similar path as me.....maybe not, but at least he now has a place to look if he ever wanted to know how I did it....
