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In celebration of my brother's recent marriage, I have decided to dedicate this blog to him. Being the spiritual leader of the home is one of the most important and impactful uses of leadership there is.
I guess I could always begin with the famous quote, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15 But what exactly does that mean? and when exactly does that typically get implemented. When does "my house" start? One could argue that it happens the day that the son leaves his father and mother and sets out on his own. At the very least, it begins when a man and a woman join together.
So what does it mean to be the spiritual leader of the family? It can be an intimidating thought if you have not always been someone who follows God's will. My wife, before she would agree to date me, told me that if I couldn't commit to being the spiritual leader of a household, then she would have to back out of our budding relationship, because we would have no long-term future. She was not willing to be in any more relationships where God was not at the center of the household, and she did not want to be the one that drove that point home.
For me it was a very pivotal moment. While I was really interested in her, I was not sure that I was able to make the commitment that she required. I thought it was worth a chance, so I started attending church services. I went to a different church every Sunday, trying to see if I found a place that I could use as a "home base" in my growth. There were many times that it felt uncomfortable, and I didn't feel like I fit in, but eventually, I found a place that I could at least begin "going through the motions". I want to take a moment to say that at times, I had to "fake it till I made it". I truly went through the motions of going to church figuring that if there was a God, and he wanted me to find him, I had to give him the opportunity. You can't catch a fish in a parking lot....you have to be near water... I am someone that fully commits to things, so I also decided to join a small group. It was a huge step for me, but again, I wanted to make sure that I was giving myself the full chance to see if "spiritual leader" was a title I was able to take.
Finally, I started reading the Bible on a regular basis. I think that this was the missing piece for me. Like the other motions I was going through, I began by just trying to "get through it". But the more I read, the more I began to get answers and advice about things I was trying to deal with. I got a "Devotional Bible For Dads" which really helped me learn to apply what I was reading to be a good Dad. This is when the light went on for me. That the Bible was actually a useful tool, when applied correctly to help you understand how to live your life, be a husband, and raise a family. The words began to come off the page at me and I was able to apply them to life.
I was convinced that I could honestly commit to being the spiritual leader of a family.....my family. So far, things have been working out pretty well. The work I put in trying to decide if I could keep my promise, actually prepared me for the position I was meant to fill. It taught me:
1. Days will not always go the way you want, but God is always there for you, and he will never give you more than what you can handle.
2. There are more important things in this world than you. Pride and selfishness are at the root of almost all bad things, so base your beliefs in what Jesus teaches and find friends and family who are able to let you know when you are off the path.
3. Even if you didn't have the best family life growing up, and are unsure how to parent, there are answers to all of your questions between the pages of the Bible. I love to look at the people in the Bible and see how they handled hardship, stress, and family. It gives me confidence to know how others handled similar situations (or in many times much worse) than one I deal with.
4. The church is more than a place to go and listen to a pastor speak....all those people you sit next to are real people, with real experiences, who can give you real advice! Get to know them, spend time investing in relationships that are constructive vs. destructive.
5. God is very clear of how he wants us to live our lives....and if the leader of the house aligns with God's will, then the others in the home will have a much easier time navigating life. It is a pretty easy formula....If you are right with God, then you and your spouse have a better chance of having a healthy and happy marriage....If you have a good marriage, your children will be raised in an environment that is conducive to growth and learning.....If you teach your children discipline, respect, and love, then you will have a higher chance of them growing into the people that God wants them to be.
6. YOU are last. This is a leadership lesson that expands out of your household to any opportunity that you have....The more you invest in the benefit of others, the more willing people are going to be to follow you. (Remember, there still needs to be discipline and consequence, or you will be taken advantage of)
7. Worry about nothing, pray for everything....This piece of scripture will change your life. The more you pray, the less you will stress about things...give your issues to the Lord, read the Bible, use the church to help find answers...then the pressure of always having the have the "right" answer goes away and you can focus on your real job.....Being the Leader of your household....
It is not rocket science.....
Want to find God?
Do the work
Say your prayers
Lead first, think of yourself later
Enjoy the ride....
Maybe someday my little brother will find the desire to go down a similar path as me.....maybe not, but at least he now has a place to look if he ever wanted to know how I did it....
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
You Gotta Have Faith....
What place does faith have in leadership?
As a Christian Leader, I think there is a base understanding that needs to drive everything that you do. In Romans 3:21-26, Paul communicates the key to the beginning of a relationship with God. He begins by reminding us that "...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,..." The key is in the next section, "...justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins."
We see here that in God's eyes, we are all lost, but only though his grace, due to the sacrifice of his Son, are we able to be redeemed. I also like how Paul calls out that God chooses to pass over former sins....
So what can we take from this as leaders?
1. We need to ground ourselves in faith
The first key to great leadership is being humble. If you read Romans 3:10-18, you will see what God thinks of us when we are not in relationship with him. So if we are not right with God and understand that the only reason we are in the position that we are is because of His grace, we are destined to be lost.
2. We can choose to emulate God
Paul reminds us that it is God's choice to overlook past sins, as long as we repent and ask for forgiveness. As a leader, how quick are you to forgive your followers when they do wrong? I don't think that this passage says that we should let people walk over us, but I do think that we should practice the same forgiveness as God.
3. Give your people reason to have faith in you
As I stated earlier, there is a divine faith that we must have in the one true God and His Son, Jesus. However, there is also an earthly faith that people have. As leaders, we need to gain the faith of our people. This can only be done by consistent behavior that earns trust, confidence and results. The best way to earn the faith of your people is to turn to the Lord for help, in every decision. Reading the Bible daily will begin to build your character and help you begin to base your thoughts around God's teaching.
4. Be more thoughtful about the motivation than the actions
In Romans 3:28 Paul writes, "For we hold that one is justified by faith, apart from works..." God isn't concerned about what we do as much as he is about why we do it. Don't get me wrong, God wants us to do good things, but the motivation in our heart should drive the good things that we do. As you look at the actions you take, ask yourself "why am I doing this?" Is it based out of selfish need, or is it motivated out of helping others? The second way to think about this is in judging the actions of your employees. What is their motivation, even if their actions didn't turn out right.
I use the scripture from my Men's Bible Study group to drive the content for my blogs. Some weeks the words apply themselves very easy to a leadership lesson, other times.....not so much. While the scripture that I used today is not a natural fit into leadership lessons, I think the theme fits well. Everything hinges on our faith in God and the understanding that our eternal salvation is a gift of grace. If we use that as our compass, especially as we deal with others, the decisions that you make should originate from a Godly place.
As a Christian Leader, I think there is a base understanding that needs to drive everything that you do. In Romans 3:21-26, Paul communicates the key to the beginning of a relationship with God. He begins by reminding us that "...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,..." The key is in the next section, "...justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins."
We see here that in God's eyes, we are all lost, but only though his grace, due to the sacrifice of his Son, are we able to be redeemed. I also like how Paul calls out that God chooses to pass over former sins....
So what can we take from this as leaders?
1. We need to ground ourselves in faith
The first key to great leadership is being humble. If you read Romans 3:10-18, you will see what God thinks of us when we are not in relationship with him. So if we are not right with God and understand that the only reason we are in the position that we are is because of His grace, we are destined to be lost.
2. We can choose to emulate God
Paul reminds us that it is God's choice to overlook past sins, as long as we repent and ask for forgiveness. As a leader, how quick are you to forgive your followers when they do wrong? I don't think that this passage says that we should let people walk over us, but I do think that we should practice the same forgiveness as God.
3. Give your people reason to have faith in you
As I stated earlier, there is a divine faith that we must have in the one true God and His Son, Jesus. However, there is also an earthly faith that people have. As leaders, we need to gain the faith of our people. This can only be done by consistent behavior that earns trust, confidence and results. The best way to earn the faith of your people is to turn to the Lord for help, in every decision. Reading the Bible daily will begin to build your character and help you begin to base your thoughts around God's teaching.
4. Be more thoughtful about the motivation than the actions
In Romans 3:28 Paul writes, "For we hold that one is justified by faith, apart from works..." God isn't concerned about what we do as much as he is about why we do it. Don't get me wrong, God wants us to do good things, but the motivation in our heart should drive the good things that we do. As you look at the actions you take, ask yourself "why am I doing this?" Is it based out of selfish need, or is it motivated out of helping others? The second way to think about this is in judging the actions of your employees. What is their motivation, even if their actions didn't turn out right.
I use the scripture from my Men's Bible Study group to drive the content for my blogs. Some weeks the words apply themselves very easy to a leadership lesson, other times.....not so much. While the scripture that I used today is not a natural fit into leadership lessons, I think the theme fits well. Everything hinges on our faith in God and the understanding that our eternal salvation is a gift of grace. If we use that as our compass, especially as we deal with others, the decisions that you make should originate from a Godly place.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
A Higher Court
The Summer Olympics is one of the most exciting two weeks of sports that take place every four years. Many of the sports have clear cut winners, who compete against each other in timed events, or in scoring competitions. Swimming, Track and Field, Soccer and Beach Volleyball all have outcomes based on measurable results.
However, there are other sports where the winner is determined based on the judgement of others.....Gymnastics, diving, and trampoline (yes, that is actually an Olympic event) are examples of some of these sports. I always find it so interesting that by the end of the games, everyone has become an expert on how to judge these events, especially gymnastics. With little or no knowledge of the sport, people remark about how the scoring was either too high, or too low for a given performance. These athletes are then "judged" as a champion or failure based on the opinion of others.....
What if you worked your entire life to be perfect at your job, and then one day, people who knew very little about your profession came to your place of work and judged you based upon their opinion of your performance on that day....My point is, that it is very easy for us to sit back and judge the performance and action of others, but are not nearly as comfortable when the roles are reversed and we feel like we are the ones being judged.
In Paul's letter to the Romans, he discusses the topic of people judging each other. He warns against judging others for actions they have taken, when you may very well carry out the same actions. He warns us that we need to be aware that when we are hypocrites, God judges us even more harshly,
Paul is very serious in his warning about how important it is to worry about your own actions and not be quick to point out the shortcomings of others.....especially if we are guilty of the same thing! Let's look at this example from a leadership perspective. The leader that tells his people to work hard, be honest, and give your best, has little or no credibility when he is caught leaving work early to go play golf. It is our job to set the example of what Godly behavior should be, not because we are trying to be better than others, but because that is the respect and thanks that God requests for being his children.
Much like the hypocritical boss loses credibility, so does the Christian who is quick to call out what is wrong with others, yet slow to monitor their own behavior. These people do more harm to the name of the Lord than the many who choose not to believe, because they send a false message that Christians are above others.
Paul, however, reminds us in Romans 2:8 "God will give to each person according to what he has done." I think this is where people lose sight of things.....God has a long memory. If you go through life busy calling out what everyone else is doing wrong, while not acknowledging your own faults, you are setting yourself up for a very harsh judgement day. Another caveat of human judgement is that we are not aware of ALL of the circumstances that a person is dealing with as we judge them. We are only capable of seeing them through our filter. Only God has the ability to understand the entire situation and then be able to deliver a fair verdict.
To turn back to the Olympics for an example....Jordyn Weiber was the world champion in ladies gymnastics. She was a favorite to win multiple gold medals at the London games this year. It was her year to shine. As she worked through her routines on the first night, time after time, her performances seemed to fall just short. The judges gave her lower scores than normal, and the commentators found "chinks in the armor". In the end she missed going to the all-around finals by the slightest of margins. She was devastated, but came back the next time to help her team win a gold medal. However, she only qualified for one event final, which she finished poorly on.....Some would say that she "under performed"....others might say that she "choked".....The questions is, when those same people found out that she had gone through the entire competition with a stress fracture in her leg, but never complained and still gave her all, would they feel the same way?
Take Paul's caution seriously.....Judgement is another form of pride in practice. It is a dangerous game to play....This doesn't mean that, as leaders, we shouldn't have high expectations of people, and hold them accountable for their actions. It does mean that we are equally accountable for our own. While it may be our job to set expectations and make corrections to behaviors, it is not our place to judge the motivation or the substance of the person....That is for God's determination
However, there are other sports where the winner is determined based on the judgement of others.....Gymnastics, diving, and trampoline (yes, that is actually an Olympic event) are examples of some of these sports. I always find it so interesting that by the end of the games, everyone has become an expert on how to judge these events, especially gymnastics. With little or no knowledge of the sport, people remark about how the scoring was either too high, or too low for a given performance. These athletes are then "judged" as a champion or failure based on the opinion of others.....
What if you worked your entire life to be perfect at your job, and then one day, people who knew very little about your profession came to your place of work and judged you based upon their opinion of your performance on that day....My point is, that it is very easy for us to sit back and judge the performance and action of others, but are not nearly as comfortable when the roles are reversed and we feel like we are the ones being judged.
In Paul's letter to the Romans, he discusses the topic of people judging each other. He warns against judging others for actions they have taken, when you may very well carry out the same actions. He warns us that we need to be aware that when we are hypocrites, God judges us even more harshly,
Paul is very serious in his warning about how important it is to worry about your own actions and not be quick to point out the shortcomings of others.....especially if we are guilty of the same thing! Let's look at this example from a leadership perspective. The leader that tells his people to work hard, be honest, and give your best, has little or no credibility when he is caught leaving work early to go play golf. It is our job to set the example of what Godly behavior should be, not because we are trying to be better than others, but because that is the respect and thanks that God requests for being his children.
Much like the hypocritical boss loses credibility, so does the Christian who is quick to call out what is wrong with others, yet slow to monitor their own behavior. These people do more harm to the name of the Lord than the many who choose not to believe, because they send a false message that Christians are above others.
Paul, however, reminds us in Romans 2:8 "God will give to each person according to what he has done." I think this is where people lose sight of things.....God has a long memory. If you go through life busy calling out what everyone else is doing wrong, while not acknowledging your own faults, you are setting yourself up for a very harsh judgement day. Another caveat of human judgement is that we are not aware of ALL of the circumstances that a person is dealing with as we judge them. We are only capable of seeing them through our filter. Only God has the ability to understand the entire situation and then be able to deliver a fair verdict.
To turn back to the Olympics for an example....Jordyn Weiber was the world champion in ladies gymnastics. She was a favorite to win multiple gold medals at the London games this year. It was her year to shine. As she worked through her routines on the first night, time after time, her performances seemed to fall just short. The judges gave her lower scores than normal, and the commentators found "chinks in the armor". In the end she missed going to the all-around finals by the slightest of margins. She was devastated, but came back the next time to help her team win a gold medal. However, she only qualified for one event final, which she finished poorly on.....Some would say that she "under performed"....others might say that she "choked".....The questions is, when those same people found out that she had gone through the entire competition with a stress fracture in her leg, but never complained and still gave her all, would they feel the same way?
Take Paul's caution seriously.....Judgement is another form of pride in practice. It is a dangerous game to play....This doesn't mean that, as leaders, we shouldn't have high expectations of people, and hold them accountable for their actions. It does mean that we are equally accountable for our own. While it may be our job to set expectations and make corrections to behaviors, it is not our place to judge the motivation or the substance of the person....That is for God's determination
Friday, August 3, 2012
Remember What Got You There....
Have you ever watched someone who evolved into a totally different person as they experienced success? What do you think happened?
Romans, Chapter 1 provides good thoughts on one explaination of how leaders can take a wrong path.
In verse 17, Paul starts off by saying that the "Righteous shall live by faith." So often when we are at the beginning of a new journey, we need to check in with God to help us. God is always willing to guide us, and he wants the very best for us. The issue occurs when the success starts to come and we begin to believe that we are the reason for the results. In verse 21, Paus says "For although they knew God, they did not honor him or give him thanks, but became futile in their thinking and their foolish hearts were darkened."
This is a transition point. When leaders actively choose to ignore the help that God provided in terms of guidance, their future is put in jeopardy. In verse 27 Paul says "Claiming to be wise, they became fools." Once pride takes over, confidence extends to areas that may not be realistic. We set ourselves up for failure because we believe we know the best way to navigate the path. We set our sites on worshiping the prize or the title, or the money, and not what God put you in the position to do. For this reason Paul says that "God gave them up because they worshiped the creature rather than the creator." I think that means that the focus became the "stuff" and not the "substance" Usually this is the part of the story where the leader has their fall from grace.
So how do you insure that this doesn't happen to you?
1. Don't forget who put you in the position that you are in.
2. Ask yourself why you have been blessed with your success? What does he want you to do with it.....
3. Put people around you who will keep your pride in check and insure that you focus on your responsibility, not your reward.
These three steps should at least give you an integrity check to help limit your risk of falling out of favor with God as you experience the benefits of his blessings......It's not about you.
Romans, Chapter 1 provides good thoughts on one explaination of how leaders can take a wrong path.
In verse 17, Paul starts off by saying that the "Righteous shall live by faith." So often when we are at the beginning of a new journey, we need to check in with God to help us. God is always willing to guide us, and he wants the very best for us. The issue occurs when the success starts to come and we begin to believe that we are the reason for the results. In verse 21, Paus says "For although they knew God, they did not honor him or give him thanks, but became futile in their thinking and their foolish hearts were darkened."
This is a transition point. When leaders actively choose to ignore the help that God provided in terms of guidance, their future is put in jeopardy. In verse 27 Paul says "Claiming to be wise, they became fools." Once pride takes over, confidence extends to areas that may not be realistic. We set ourselves up for failure because we believe we know the best way to navigate the path. We set our sites on worshiping the prize or the title, or the money, and not what God put you in the position to do. For this reason Paul says that "God gave them up because they worshiped the creature rather than the creator." I think that means that the focus became the "stuff" and not the "substance" Usually this is the part of the story where the leader has their fall from grace.
So how do you insure that this doesn't happen to you?
1. Don't forget who put you in the position that you are in.
2. Ask yourself why you have been blessed with your success? What does he want you to do with it.....
3. Put people around you who will keep your pride in check and insure that you focus on your responsibility, not your reward.
These three steps should at least give you an integrity check to help limit your risk of falling out of favor with God as you experience the benefits of his blessings......It's not about you.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
It Starts at Home
A mentor of mine once told me...."Leaders lead". It was in response to a question I asked him about how I should act in a certain situation. The reason that it has stuck with me for all these years, is that I use it to set my compass when I am considering how to act, or react to a situation.
Often times, when we think of leadership, we frame it in regards to work, or sports, or politics or war. Very rarely do we look to the place that leadership is most needed......the family. For this blog I want to dig into Colossians Chapter 3 to get some insight on how we can learn to lead where it matter most....at home.
This book of the Bible was written by Paul to the Colossians. Unlike many of his letters, Paul had never had a chance to visit the people to whom he wrote. That did not stop him from delivering his views on how to live a Godly life. In the 5th verse we get our first piece of advice on how to prepare yourself to be a good leader...."Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire and covetousness, which is idolatry." Think of all the times throughout history that one of the above mentioned vices brought down the leaders of this world, and of families that you may know. Paul goes on to say...."put away anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another..." Look at your leadership in your home. How often do one of these reactions cause untold damage in your family? As a leader of a family, you are responsible to set the stage for what the expectation for behavior is. If you act in the above fashion, what are you setting as the standard for the rest of the people living under your roof.
Paul does give some advice on how to act...."Put on...compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience......forgiving each other as the Lord forgave you." There is no place as a leader to hold a grudge. Once a wrong is forgiven in your household, your job is to insure that it is never again held against the person. People can not grow when they are constantly being reminded of past transgressions. Where is there desire to take risk, be honest, or make a bold move, if they feel that their failure will always be lauded over them? Paul stresses the need for you to "put on love" as you live.... If you love your family, before you react to them, you will have the attitude necessary to lead.
I am now going to give my opinion on one of the most hotly contended passages in the Bible. It is Paul's advice on Rules for a Christian Household. It begins by Paul telling wives to "submit" to your husbands. This does not mean that Paul wants wives to become slaves to whatever the husband demands, or to not have a say in decisions in the home. He makes sure to put in there "as fitting to the Lord" which means that a wife should not follow a husband that is not leading the family in a Godly way.
Paul follows that up by telling husbands to love their wives and not be harsh with them. If a husband truly loves his wife, then there will be a respect and attention that will always honor her opinion and seek her guidance for important decisions. These two commands speak to what all men and women want. By telling the wife to submit to her husband, he is basically telling her to give him respect, which all men need. By telling a husband to love his wife, he is telling him to show her the attention and affection that she deserves and needs to feel good about the relationship.
We see the same balance in the next passage where he tells children to obey their parents, but reminds fathers not to provoke their children. This again speaks toward an understanding that if the leader of the household does his job in a Godly manner, then things will be as they should. However, if the husband does not love his wife, lead in the way of the lord, or provokes the children, then the order of the family will be shaken and there will not be a strong team. One quick note, it tells children to obey their PARENTS but speaks to the FATHER as the one who needs to be careful not to provoke the children. To me, this implies that it is the Father's job, as the leader, to take responsibility for the follow through on the discipline in the household.
The rest of the chapter discusses how these same principles should be followed by slaves to their masters. In current times, this can be taken as how we should act at work toward our superiors. The key direction that is given in these verses is "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. How does that change your outlook on you as an employee? The next time you are struggling with having to do something you detest, remember that the Lord is watching....the very same person who sent his Son to die on a cross for every sin that has ever been committed.....maybe you can reach down and give a little more next time.....
Colossians 3 has a lot of good direction on how to ready yourself for leadership......how to set your family up for success...and how to insure that you are an employee that will make your Lord proud. The next time that you have the opportunity to step into any of these situations and take on any of these roles, remember: prepare yourself as Paul instructs, Lead as Paul directs, and work as the Lord desires....
If you align yourself to these teachings, you should find that you will have a much better chance of success.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
We get by with a little help from our friends
The last couple of blogs have been focused around stress and anxiety and how we can use the word of God to help us through it. Today I thought we could look at our role in helping those around us deal with stress...
before we discuss how to help people who we see that are stressed, let's first ask the question "How much of the stress do I cause.". The easiest way to help people with their stress is not to be the cause of it.
Be consistent in your interactions with people. It is very stressful when someone you know is not sure how you will react to news. If you are not consistent, you run the risk of people avoiding you because they are unsure of what they will get. People are far less worried about delivering hard news if they know how you will likely react.
Keep your frustration focused on actions not people. When people feel attacked, or think they may get attacked, it raises their stress level. It may even cause them to "water down" messages to keep from getting verbally attacked.
Assuming that you are not the cause of the stress, how can you help people through it?
1. When you see people stressed, help them focus on what they are having success on.
Proverbs 12:25 says,"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.". One of the easiest ways to help people feel more relieved is to call out the good things they are doing, and keep them focused on the positive. If people can feel like they are making progress that is being noticed, then they will feel less stress.
2. Lend words of encouragement
Isaiah 35:4, "Say to those with an anxious heart 'be strong;fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, he will come and save you." Those words of reminder and encouragement, that God is there to help them may be all that they need to reach out in prayer and get the peace they need. Many times people just need to know they are no alone, and that they have someone to turn to for support.
3. Suggest prayer, or pray for them
In Romans 8:26 it reminds us that the Spirit will help us in our weakness, even if we don't know what to pray for, the Spirit will intercede for us. So even if someone is unsure of what the cause of their stress and anxiety may be, just praying for help will make a difference. How comforting would it be to know that someone is praying for the Holy Spirit to intercede in a stressful situation for you?
4. Roll up your sleeves and help out
In Galatians 6:2 God tells us to carry each others burdens. God put us on this earth to help each other, and when we can't help, to turn to Him. We are given skills and material things, not only for our enjoyment but also to help those in need. The next time that you see someone who is overwhelmed, figure out how you can contribute. Any load is lighter with two people do the work.
We have all delt with stress and anxiety and know how overwhelming it can be. As leaders, we need to do our best to help people minimize the amount of time they feel this way. They are less productive, less healthy, less happy and in need of help. So the next time that you sense someone is feeling a tad overwhelmed, see if you can implement any of the above suggestions to lend a helping hand. It will make make them feel better, it will make you feel better, and it will fulfill God's wishes.
Be consistent in your interactions with people. It is very stressful when someone you know is not sure how you will react to news. If you are not consistent, you run the risk of people avoiding you because they are unsure of what they will get. People are far less worried about delivering hard news if they know how you will likely react.
Keep your frustration focused on actions not people. When people feel attacked, or think they may get attacked, it raises their stress level. It may even cause them to "water down" messages to keep from getting verbally attacked.
Assuming that you are not the cause of the stress, how can you help people through it?
1. When you see people stressed, help them focus on what they are having success on.
Proverbs 12:25 says,"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.". One of the easiest ways to help people feel more relieved is to call out the good things they are doing, and keep them focused on the positive. If people can feel like they are making progress that is being noticed, then they will feel less stress.
2. Lend words of encouragement
Isaiah 35:4, "Say to those with an anxious heart 'be strong;fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, he will come and save you." Those words of reminder and encouragement, that God is there to help them may be all that they need to reach out in prayer and get the peace they need. Many times people just need to know they are no alone, and that they have someone to turn to for support.
3. Suggest prayer, or pray for them
In Romans 8:26 it reminds us that the Spirit will help us in our weakness, even if we don't know what to pray for, the Spirit will intercede for us. So even if someone is unsure of what the cause of their stress and anxiety may be, just praying for help will make a difference. How comforting would it be to know that someone is praying for the Holy Spirit to intercede in a stressful situation for you?
4. Roll up your sleeves and help out
In Galatians 6:2 God tells us to carry each others burdens. God put us on this earth to help each other, and when we can't help, to turn to Him. We are given skills and material things, not only for our enjoyment but also to help those in need. The next time that you see someone who is overwhelmed, figure out how you can contribute. Any load is lighter with two people do the work.
We have all delt with stress and anxiety and know how overwhelming it can be. As leaders, we need to do our best to help people minimize the amount of time they feel this way. They are less productive, less healthy, less happy and in need of help. So the next time that you sense someone is feeling a tad overwhelmed, see if you can implement any of the above suggestions to lend a helping hand. It will make make them feel better, it will make you feel better, and it will fulfill God's wishes.
Friday, June 15, 2012
The Secret to Reduced Worry
The United States has the highest level of Obesity, heart disease, stroke and high blood pressure in the civilized world. It is also one of the wealthiest... So on the surface it begs the question, "Does having a lot of "stuff" create health problems?" One could argue that is not far off the truth. The "stuff" itself may not be the cause, but the quest in attaining it might be. Stress, worry and anxiety are often the root causes for the above mentioned health issues, and the quest for "stuff" usually causes the stress.
I find a few main things tend to cause stress. I'm sure there are many more, but for this blog, I'm sticking to these:
1. When you feel you have more to do than you can ever get done
2. When you feel you are not living up to expectations
3. When you feel responsible for the welfare of others
4. When you feel you won't reach a goal
Before I write about how I use lessons from the Bible to help deal with these issues, I would like to point out that all of the above causes of stress take place when we focus on ourselves and internally judging our performance. The easiest way to avoid stress is to stay focused on doing our best and focusing externally.
There are five things that I try to do to combat the feelings of stress that creep in when I catch myself focusing in on the above pitfalls.
1. Do your best and let God take care of the rest:
In 1 Corinthians 10:13 the Bible says, "....God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
My take home point from this is that God will not put something in front of me that I can not handle, however, there are two caveats......First, I will have to give my very best in order to overcome the challenge. When I feel like I can't make it, I have to trust that I will be able to find a way because.... Second, If I do get in over my head, God will provide a way of escape. God has my back, but I need to make sure I am giving my all and communicating with Him along the way. All he wants from me is all that I have. In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest...for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." When you have done your best, and need help and rest, go to the Lord.
2. Don't swim upstream
I think the best example here can be taken from the story of Jonah. He was stressed about going to Ninevah because the city was a terrible place and he was worried for his well being. He got a direct sign from the Lord that he was supposed to go there, but he chose to go his own way. In the true sense of swimming upstream, Jonah gets on a boat and sails in the opposite direction of where God wanted him to go. After a huge storm, getting thrown overboard, getting swallowed by a large fish, and then being spit back up on shore, Jonah decided to do what God wanted him to do initially. By following the path of the Lord, he was able to save an entire city from destruction, and not get hurt in the process. The other great example from the Bible are the Isrealites after they were freed from Egypt. They experience multiple miracles in the process of being freed....they had a cloud to follow in the day and a pillar of fire at night.....they had food delivered daily from Heaven....yet when they were shown the promised land, they were afraid that they would be killed when they entered, and decided to go against the Lord's wishes....what did they get for swimming upstream? 40 more years in the desert.
So the next time that you get frustrated and stressed about the progress you are making, go back to the Bible and see if you are fighting against a Biblical principle. Pray and listen...often times, if you run into roadblocks everywhere you turn, the Lord is trying to tell you something. That is why some of the best things that ever happen to you, seem to just "fall into place".
3. Compete against yourself, not others
Often times stress and anxiety are increased as you try to "keep up with the Jones's". We drive ourselves crazy trying to get a bigger house, better car, more money, and nicer clothes. There is a reason that the Lord put in the 10 Commandments:"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbors". The "big 10" were made by God to help us live more fulfilled and happier lives. This commandment is trying to help us eliminate a source of stress in our lives. When you focus on doing your best, and not judging yourself against others you keep jealousy at bay, keep pride from taking over, and keep greed from driving your behavior. All of the above things add to anxiety and stress because you are constantly keeping score with those around you. Focus on what you are supposed to do and let God judge the rest.
4. There is a difference between being the leader of a family and being a family's beneficiary.
So often we have in our minds all of the things that we need to give our family. We want them to grow up with all of the things that we never had....unfortunatley they get the THINGS we didn't have and miss the qualities that we do. We work like crazy to try to give them money for college....we work late and miss games and don't make it home for dinner because we are trying to move up the corporate ladder so we can afford a better life for them. But what they really need is.....US. In Proverbs is says, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." All we need to do is to look at the story of the Prodigal Son. He lived a great life in the household of his father. He never wanted for anything and had plenty to eat and drink. When he had become a man, he asked his father to give him the portion of his inheritance now, so that he could go live his own life. He promptly went out and spent it on fruitless entertainment and wreckless living. He wound up living in a stall with pigs. This was a classic case of the father working hard his whole life to provide for his son, and very little of his time preparing his son on how to be a man. How often could you be accused of doing the same thing? In Matthew 6:24 Jesus says, "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other...You cannot serve God and money."
5. Enjoy the moment
Most worry and anxiety comes from looking into the future. Anyone in my house will tell you that my motto is to "Participate, don't anticipate." There is a reason that the Lord's prayer says...."give us this day, our daily bread." It doesn't say...."please provide a fat pension and a huge college fund so I can rest easy". One of my favorite verses is from Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Jesus also says, "....I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?" I see examples of people who live their lives for the weekends, or for vacations, or for special events, the problem with that is that your entire life gets compressed to very few moments. People spend all their time preparing and hardly any time enjoying. When you focus on the now, stress has a habit of falling away. In Luke 12:25, Jesus says "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?" Great questions isn't it?
2 Timothy 1:7 "God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power, love and self-control." Follow that spirit and you will find that while your acitivity level will never decline (remember, he wants your best), at least the burden and anxiety that have been your traveling companions will be left behind. Do your best and let God do the rest. Don't swim upstream. Compete against yourself, not others. Understand the difference between leading a family and being a beneficiary. Most importantly, cherish the "now" moments of your life.
I find a few main things tend to cause stress. I'm sure there are many more, but for this blog, I'm sticking to these:
1. When you feel you have more to do than you can ever get done
2. When you feel you are not living up to expectations
3. When you feel responsible for the welfare of others
4. When you feel you won't reach a goal
Before I write about how I use lessons from the Bible to help deal with these issues, I would like to point out that all of the above causes of stress take place when we focus on ourselves and internally judging our performance. The easiest way to avoid stress is to stay focused on doing our best and focusing externally.
There are five things that I try to do to combat the feelings of stress that creep in when I catch myself focusing in on the above pitfalls.
1. Do your best and let God take care of the rest:
In 1 Corinthians 10:13 the Bible says, "....God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
My take home point from this is that God will not put something in front of me that I can not handle, however, there are two caveats......First, I will have to give my very best in order to overcome the challenge. When I feel like I can't make it, I have to trust that I will be able to find a way because.... Second, If I do get in over my head, God will provide a way of escape. God has my back, but I need to make sure I am giving my all and communicating with Him along the way. All he wants from me is all that I have. In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest...for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." When you have done your best, and need help and rest, go to the Lord.
2. Don't swim upstream
I think the best example here can be taken from the story of Jonah. He was stressed about going to Ninevah because the city was a terrible place and he was worried for his well being. He got a direct sign from the Lord that he was supposed to go there, but he chose to go his own way. In the true sense of swimming upstream, Jonah gets on a boat and sails in the opposite direction of where God wanted him to go. After a huge storm, getting thrown overboard, getting swallowed by a large fish, and then being spit back up on shore, Jonah decided to do what God wanted him to do initially. By following the path of the Lord, he was able to save an entire city from destruction, and not get hurt in the process. The other great example from the Bible are the Isrealites after they were freed from Egypt. They experience multiple miracles in the process of being freed....they had a cloud to follow in the day and a pillar of fire at night.....they had food delivered daily from Heaven....yet when they were shown the promised land, they were afraid that they would be killed when they entered, and decided to go against the Lord's wishes....what did they get for swimming upstream? 40 more years in the desert.
So the next time that you get frustrated and stressed about the progress you are making, go back to the Bible and see if you are fighting against a Biblical principle. Pray and listen...often times, if you run into roadblocks everywhere you turn, the Lord is trying to tell you something. That is why some of the best things that ever happen to you, seem to just "fall into place".
3. Compete against yourself, not others
Often times stress and anxiety are increased as you try to "keep up with the Jones's". We drive ourselves crazy trying to get a bigger house, better car, more money, and nicer clothes. There is a reason that the Lord put in the 10 Commandments:"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbors". The "big 10" were made by God to help us live more fulfilled and happier lives. This commandment is trying to help us eliminate a source of stress in our lives. When you focus on doing your best, and not judging yourself against others you keep jealousy at bay, keep pride from taking over, and keep greed from driving your behavior. All of the above things add to anxiety and stress because you are constantly keeping score with those around you. Focus on what you are supposed to do and let God judge the rest.
4. There is a difference between being the leader of a family and being a family's beneficiary.
So often we have in our minds all of the things that we need to give our family. We want them to grow up with all of the things that we never had....unfortunatley they get the THINGS we didn't have and miss the qualities that we do. We work like crazy to try to give them money for college....we work late and miss games and don't make it home for dinner because we are trying to move up the corporate ladder so we can afford a better life for them. But what they really need is.....US. In Proverbs is says, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." All we need to do is to look at the story of the Prodigal Son. He lived a great life in the household of his father. He never wanted for anything and had plenty to eat and drink. When he had become a man, he asked his father to give him the portion of his inheritance now, so that he could go live his own life. He promptly went out and spent it on fruitless entertainment and wreckless living. He wound up living in a stall with pigs. This was a classic case of the father working hard his whole life to provide for his son, and very little of his time preparing his son on how to be a man. How often could you be accused of doing the same thing? In Matthew 6:24 Jesus says, "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other...You cannot serve God and money."
5. Enjoy the moment
Most worry and anxiety comes from looking into the future. Anyone in my house will tell you that my motto is to "Participate, don't anticipate." There is a reason that the Lord's prayer says...."give us this day, our daily bread." It doesn't say...."please provide a fat pension and a huge college fund so I can rest easy". One of my favorite verses is from Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Jesus also says, "....I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?" I see examples of people who live their lives for the weekends, or for vacations, or for special events, the problem with that is that your entire life gets compressed to very few moments. People spend all their time preparing and hardly any time enjoying. When you focus on the now, stress has a habit of falling away. In Luke 12:25, Jesus says "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?" Great questions isn't it?
2 Timothy 1:7 "God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power, love and self-control." Follow that spirit and you will find that while your acitivity level will never decline (remember, he wants your best), at least the burden and anxiety that have been your traveling companions will be left behind. Do your best and let God do the rest. Don't swim upstream. Compete against yourself, not others. Understand the difference between leading a family and being a beneficiary. Most importantly, cherish the "now" moments of your life.
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