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The last couple of blogs have been focused around stress and anxiety and how we can use the word of God to help us through it. Today I thought we could look at our role in helping those around us deal with stress...
before we discuss how to help people who we see that are stressed, let's first ask the question "How much of the stress do I cause.". The easiest way to help people with their stress is not to be the cause of it.
Be consistent in your interactions with people. It is very stressful when someone you know is not sure how you will react to news. If you are not consistent, you run the risk of people avoiding you because they are unsure of what they will get. People are far less worried about delivering hard news if they know how you will likely react.
Keep your frustration focused on actions not people. When people feel attacked, or think they may get attacked, it raises their stress level. It may even cause them to "water down" messages to keep from getting verbally attacked.
Assuming that you are not the cause of the stress, how can you help people through it?
1. When you see people stressed, help them focus on what they are having success on.
Proverbs 12:25 says,"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.". One of the easiest ways to help people feel more relieved is to call out the good things they are doing, and keep them focused on the positive. If people can feel like they are making progress that is being noticed, then they will feel less stress.
2. Lend words of encouragement
Isaiah 35:4, "Say to those with an anxious heart 'be strong;fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, he will come and save you." Those words of reminder and encouragement, that God is there to help them may be all that they need to reach out in prayer and get the peace they need. Many times people just need to know they are no alone, and that they have someone to turn to for support.
3. Suggest prayer, or pray for them
In Romans 8:26 it reminds us that the Spirit will help us in our weakness, even if we don't know what to pray for, the Spirit will intercede for us. So even if someone is unsure of what the cause of their stress and anxiety may be, just praying for help will make a difference. How comforting would it be to know that someone is praying for the Holy Spirit to intercede in a stressful situation for you?
4. Roll up your sleeves and help out
In Galatians 6:2 God tells us to carry each others burdens. God put us on this earth to help each other, and when we can't help, to turn to Him. We are given skills and material things, not only for our enjoyment but also to help those in need. The next time that you see someone who is overwhelmed, figure out how you can contribute. Any load is lighter with two people do the work.
We have all delt with stress and anxiety and know how overwhelming it can be. As leaders, we need to do our best to help people minimize the amount of time they feel this way. They are less productive, less healthy, less happy and in need of help. So the next time that you sense someone is feeling a tad overwhelmed, see if you can implement any of the above suggestions to lend a helping hand. It will make make them feel better, it will make you feel better, and it will fulfill God's wishes.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Friday, June 15, 2012
The Secret to Reduced Worry
The United States has the highest level of Obesity, heart disease, stroke and high blood pressure in the civilized world. It is also one of the wealthiest... So on the surface it begs the question, "Does having a lot of "stuff" create health problems?" One could argue that is not far off the truth. The "stuff" itself may not be the cause, but the quest in attaining it might be. Stress, worry and anxiety are often the root causes for the above mentioned health issues, and the quest for "stuff" usually causes the stress.
I find a few main things tend to cause stress. I'm sure there are many more, but for this blog, I'm sticking to these:
1. When you feel you have more to do than you can ever get done
2. When you feel you are not living up to expectations
3. When you feel responsible for the welfare of others
4. When you feel you won't reach a goal
Before I write about how I use lessons from the Bible to help deal with these issues, I would like to point out that all of the above causes of stress take place when we focus on ourselves and internally judging our performance. The easiest way to avoid stress is to stay focused on doing our best and focusing externally.
There are five things that I try to do to combat the feelings of stress that creep in when I catch myself focusing in on the above pitfalls.
1. Do your best and let God take care of the rest:
In 1 Corinthians 10:13 the Bible says, "....God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
My take home point from this is that God will not put something in front of me that I can not handle, however, there are two caveats......First, I will have to give my very best in order to overcome the challenge. When I feel like I can't make it, I have to trust that I will be able to find a way because.... Second, If I do get in over my head, God will provide a way of escape. God has my back, but I need to make sure I am giving my all and communicating with Him along the way. All he wants from me is all that I have. In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest...for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." When you have done your best, and need help and rest, go to the Lord.
2. Don't swim upstream
I think the best example here can be taken from the story of Jonah. He was stressed about going to Ninevah because the city was a terrible place and he was worried for his well being. He got a direct sign from the Lord that he was supposed to go there, but he chose to go his own way. In the true sense of swimming upstream, Jonah gets on a boat and sails in the opposite direction of where God wanted him to go. After a huge storm, getting thrown overboard, getting swallowed by a large fish, and then being spit back up on shore, Jonah decided to do what God wanted him to do initially. By following the path of the Lord, he was able to save an entire city from destruction, and not get hurt in the process. The other great example from the Bible are the Isrealites after they were freed from Egypt. They experience multiple miracles in the process of being freed....they had a cloud to follow in the day and a pillar of fire at night.....they had food delivered daily from Heaven....yet when they were shown the promised land, they were afraid that they would be killed when they entered, and decided to go against the Lord's wishes....what did they get for swimming upstream? 40 more years in the desert.
So the next time that you get frustrated and stressed about the progress you are making, go back to the Bible and see if you are fighting against a Biblical principle. Pray and listen...often times, if you run into roadblocks everywhere you turn, the Lord is trying to tell you something. That is why some of the best things that ever happen to you, seem to just "fall into place".
3. Compete against yourself, not others
Often times stress and anxiety are increased as you try to "keep up with the Jones's". We drive ourselves crazy trying to get a bigger house, better car, more money, and nicer clothes. There is a reason that the Lord put in the 10 Commandments:"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbors". The "big 10" were made by God to help us live more fulfilled and happier lives. This commandment is trying to help us eliminate a source of stress in our lives. When you focus on doing your best, and not judging yourself against others you keep jealousy at bay, keep pride from taking over, and keep greed from driving your behavior. All of the above things add to anxiety and stress because you are constantly keeping score with those around you. Focus on what you are supposed to do and let God judge the rest.
4. There is a difference between being the leader of a family and being a family's beneficiary.
So often we have in our minds all of the things that we need to give our family. We want them to grow up with all of the things that we never had....unfortunatley they get the THINGS we didn't have and miss the qualities that we do. We work like crazy to try to give them money for college....we work late and miss games and don't make it home for dinner because we are trying to move up the corporate ladder so we can afford a better life for them. But what they really need is.....US. In Proverbs is says, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." All we need to do is to look at the story of the Prodigal Son. He lived a great life in the household of his father. He never wanted for anything and had plenty to eat and drink. When he had become a man, he asked his father to give him the portion of his inheritance now, so that he could go live his own life. He promptly went out and spent it on fruitless entertainment and wreckless living. He wound up living in a stall with pigs. This was a classic case of the father working hard his whole life to provide for his son, and very little of his time preparing his son on how to be a man. How often could you be accused of doing the same thing? In Matthew 6:24 Jesus says, "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other...You cannot serve God and money."
5. Enjoy the moment
Most worry and anxiety comes from looking into the future. Anyone in my house will tell you that my motto is to "Participate, don't anticipate." There is a reason that the Lord's prayer says...."give us this day, our daily bread." It doesn't say...."please provide a fat pension and a huge college fund so I can rest easy". One of my favorite verses is from Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Jesus also says, "....I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?" I see examples of people who live their lives for the weekends, or for vacations, or for special events, the problem with that is that your entire life gets compressed to very few moments. People spend all their time preparing and hardly any time enjoying. When you focus on the now, stress has a habit of falling away. In Luke 12:25, Jesus says "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?" Great questions isn't it?
2 Timothy 1:7 "God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power, love and self-control." Follow that spirit and you will find that while your acitivity level will never decline (remember, he wants your best), at least the burden and anxiety that have been your traveling companions will be left behind. Do your best and let God do the rest. Don't swim upstream. Compete against yourself, not others. Understand the difference between leading a family and being a beneficiary. Most importantly, cherish the "now" moments of your life.
I find a few main things tend to cause stress. I'm sure there are many more, but for this blog, I'm sticking to these:
1. When you feel you have more to do than you can ever get done
2. When you feel you are not living up to expectations
3. When you feel responsible for the welfare of others
4. When you feel you won't reach a goal
Before I write about how I use lessons from the Bible to help deal with these issues, I would like to point out that all of the above causes of stress take place when we focus on ourselves and internally judging our performance. The easiest way to avoid stress is to stay focused on doing our best and focusing externally.
There are five things that I try to do to combat the feelings of stress that creep in when I catch myself focusing in on the above pitfalls.
1. Do your best and let God take care of the rest:
In 1 Corinthians 10:13 the Bible says, "....God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
My take home point from this is that God will not put something in front of me that I can not handle, however, there are two caveats......First, I will have to give my very best in order to overcome the challenge. When I feel like I can't make it, I have to trust that I will be able to find a way because.... Second, If I do get in over my head, God will provide a way of escape. God has my back, but I need to make sure I am giving my all and communicating with Him along the way. All he wants from me is all that I have. In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest...for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." When you have done your best, and need help and rest, go to the Lord.
2. Don't swim upstream
I think the best example here can be taken from the story of Jonah. He was stressed about going to Ninevah because the city was a terrible place and he was worried for his well being. He got a direct sign from the Lord that he was supposed to go there, but he chose to go his own way. In the true sense of swimming upstream, Jonah gets on a boat and sails in the opposite direction of where God wanted him to go. After a huge storm, getting thrown overboard, getting swallowed by a large fish, and then being spit back up on shore, Jonah decided to do what God wanted him to do initially. By following the path of the Lord, he was able to save an entire city from destruction, and not get hurt in the process. The other great example from the Bible are the Isrealites after they were freed from Egypt. They experience multiple miracles in the process of being freed....they had a cloud to follow in the day and a pillar of fire at night.....they had food delivered daily from Heaven....yet when they were shown the promised land, they were afraid that they would be killed when they entered, and decided to go against the Lord's wishes....what did they get for swimming upstream? 40 more years in the desert.
So the next time that you get frustrated and stressed about the progress you are making, go back to the Bible and see if you are fighting against a Biblical principle. Pray and listen...often times, if you run into roadblocks everywhere you turn, the Lord is trying to tell you something. That is why some of the best things that ever happen to you, seem to just "fall into place".
3. Compete against yourself, not others
Often times stress and anxiety are increased as you try to "keep up with the Jones's". We drive ourselves crazy trying to get a bigger house, better car, more money, and nicer clothes. There is a reason that the Lord put in the 10 Commandments:"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbors". The "big 10" were made by God to help us live more fulfilled and happier lives. This commandment is trying to help us eliminate a source of stress in our lives. When you focus on doing your best, and not judging yourself against others you keep jealousy at bay, keep pride from taking over, and keep greed from driving your behavior. All of the above things add to anxiety and stress because you are constantly keeping score with those around you. Focus on what you are supposed to do and let God judge the rest.
4. There is a difference between being the leader of a family and being a family's beneficiary.
So often we have in our minds all of the things that we need to give our family. We want them to grow up with all of the things that we never had....unfortunatley they get the THINGS we didn't have and miss the qualities that we do. We work like crazy to try to give them money for college....we work late and miss games and don't make it home for dinner because we are trying to move up the corporate ladder so we can afford a better life for them. But what they really need is.....US. In Proverbs is says, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." All we need to do is to look at the story of the Prodigal Son. He lived a great life in the household of his father. He never wanted for anything and had plenty to eat and drink. When he had become a man, he asked his father to give him the portion of his inheritance now, so that he could go live his own life. He promptly went out and spent it on fruitless entertainment and wreckless living. He wound up living in a stall with pigs. This was a classic case of the father working hard his whole life to provide for his son, and very little of his time preparing his son on how to be a man. How often could you be accused of doing the same thing? In Matthew 6:24 Jesus says, "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other...You cannot serve God and money."
5. Enjoy the moment
Most worry and anxiety comes from looking into the future. Anyone in my house will tell you that my motto is to "Participate, don't anticipate." There is a reason that the Lord's prayer says...."give us this day, our daily bread." It doesn't say...."please provide a fat pension and a huge college fund so I can rest easy". One of my favorite verses is from Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Jesus also says, "....I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?" I see examples of people who live their lives for the weekends, or for vacations, or for special events, the problem with that is that your entire life gets compressed to very few moments. People spend all their time preparing and hardly any time enjoying. When you focus on the now, stress has a habit of falling away. In Luke 12:25, Jesus says "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?" Great questions isn't it?
2 Timothy 1:7 "God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power, love and self-control." Follow that spirit and you will find that while your acitivity level will never decline (remember, he wants your best), at least the burden and anxiety that have been your traveling companions will be left behind. Do your best and let God do the rest. Don't swim upstream. Compete against yourself, not others. Understand the difference between leading a family and being a beneficiary. Most importantly, cherish the "now" moments of your life.
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